Why do we love science jokes? Maybe because the puns are terrible… or maybe because you realize that (unless you work in a lab) you’re going to be the only one laughing, showing what a nerd you really are.

I came across this gem the other day:

A Higgs Boson walks into a church and the priest says “you can’t be in here”. The Higg Boson says “but without me how will you have mass?”

A-ahah. A terrible pun, because the Higgs Boson is postulated to be the particle that ‘gives’ other particles the property of having mass, which is also what the Catholic service is called… See, maybe you learned something today through that joke!

Here is a veritable metric-ton of pun-based unit jokes via my Dad. Enjoy:

1. Ratio of an igloo’s circumference to its diameter = Eskimo Pi
2. 2000 pounds of Chinese soup = Won ton
3. 1 millionth of a mouthwash = 1 microscope
4. Time between slipping on a peel and smacking the pavement = 1 bananosecond
5. Weight an evangelist carries with God = 1 billigram
6. Time it takes to sail 220 yards at 1 nautical mile per hour = Knotfurlong
7. 16.5 feet in the Twilight Zone = 1 Rod Serling
8. Half of a large intestine = 1 semicolon
9. 1,000,000 aches = 1 megahurtz
10. Basic unit of laryngitis = 1 hoarsepower
11. Shortest distance between two jokes = A straight line
12. 453.6 graham crackers = 1 pound cake
13. 1 million-million microphones = 1 megaphone
14. 2 million bicycles = 2 megacycles
15. 365.25 days = 1 unicycle
16. 2000 mockingbirds = 2 kilomockingbirds
17. 52 cards = 1 decacards
18. 1 kilogram of falling figs = 1 FigNewton
19. 1000 milliliters of wet socks = 1 literhosen
20. 1 millionth of a fish = 1 microfiche
21. 1 trillion pins = 1 terrapin
22. 10 rations = 1 decoration
23. 100 rations = 1 C-ration
24. 2 monograms = 1 diagram
25. 4 nickels = 2 paradigms
26. 2.4 statute miles of intravenous surgical tubing at Yale University Hospital = 1 IV League
27. 100 Senators = Not 1 decision

There are many more in this reddit thread. Here are some other good ones:

Einstein, Newton and Pascal decide to play hide and seek. Einstein is it, closes his eyes, counts to 10 then opens them.

Pascal is no where to be seen.

Newton is sitting right in front of Einstein, with a piece of chalk in his hand. He’s sitting in a box drawn on the ground, a meter to a side.

Einstein says “Newton, you’re terrible, I’ve found you!”

Newton says “No no, Einy. You’ve found one Newton per square meter. You’ve found Pascal!”

Hoho! Because 1 Pascal = 1 Newton/m2! See how much we are learning through jokes? Someday I hope to do a science lecture where everything I teach is based on a joke, I’m pretty sure it could be done.

Here’s a joke that only works written down:

There are 10 types of people in the world: those that understand binary and those that don’t

…because in binary you only have two digits to work with instead of ten, so one is 1 but two is 10, three is 11, four is 100… Now you know about binary!
Ok, that’s enough for now. Got any others?

10 responses »

  1. iampotassium says:

    So awesome. This post reminded my friend Janet of this video of nerdy jokes that I think you will enjoy.

  2. Luke says:

    1 billigram should be called a unit of mass with god, not a unit of weight! The weight Billy Graham would have would be a billinewton, which doesn’t really make much sense now does it?

    Oh jeez, correcting science jokes makes me feel another 1000x nerdier than just enjoying them!

  3. […] Orestis! (Orestis found it here, he emailed me […]

  4. Uly says:

    Sure, there are 10 types of people in the world: Those who understand ternary, those who don’t, and those who think this ought to be a binary joke.

  5. unary says:

    how many people can read hex if only you and dead people can read hex, tho?

  6. Morten says:

    Isn’t 500,000 bicycles = 1 megacycle ?

  7. This one works better spoken.. What’s the sound of a dyne/centimeter (spoken as closely as possible to “dying centimeter”)? Erg.

    How about a combo?

    What do you get if you cross an Eagle and a Mountian? Eagle Mountian Sin Theta

    Then follow with “What do you get if you cross a Mountian with a mountian climber?” NOTHING, a mountian climber is a SCALAR!

    How much pretty do you need to launch 1 ship? A milliHelen.

  8. This shouldn't be as funny as it is says:

    Why couldn’t Sn get into the PG–13 movie? He was only Tin.

  9. Justin says:

    A neutron walks into a bar and asks the bartender for a drink, when he finishes he asks “how much?” The bartender says “For you? No charge.”

  10. Ray says:

    If the Silver Surfer and Iron Man team up, they’d be alloys. ..haha

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